Alisha+Ravi+-+Point+of+Tension

Choosing Language I have always loved Bollywood cinema. The first movie that I remember seeing in theatres was Kaho Na Pyaar Hai, a Bollywood love story, in a theatre where along with popcorn, the concession stand sold samosas and ladoo. I was ten years old. I remember being able to understand the main plot of the movie, but not the jokes or side conversations. I was also unable to keep up with reading the subtitles, and when I did read the subtitles, I always missed key plot points. This is not just because I wasn’t a strong enough reader to follow the subtitles, but because those subtitles are often translated literally, and more often then not, make very little sense. I continue to have this experience, and therefore despite missing many of the nuances of the language, I prefer to watch Hindi movies without subtitles.

I struggled to determine a point of tension in my language development as I have rarely struggled in learning and using the English language. After some thought, I realized that this in fact, is my point of tension. My fluency in English, and my lack of fluency in what could have been my home language, Hindi. Travelling to India every second summer growing up served to build the basic skills, but I was still shy to butcher a language in front of people who spoke it fluently. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself as the foreign kid trying too hard. Looking back now, I regret not taking the opportunity.

There are, on the other hand, parts of the Hindi language that are deeply ingrained in the culture that I grew up with in Canada. This is why it made me laugh when my sister texted me one day from the grocery store. She couldn’t remember the English word for bhaigan, a vegetable that she absolutely despised. This, first off, shows how important food is within my family. We very rarely eat anything other than Indian food, and so my parents only use the Indian names for these items. Even today, the names of fruits and vegetables are some of the few things will come to my mind first in Hindi, rather than English.

When I asked my mother why she didn’t make more of an effort to teach my sisters and I Hindi, she told me that it was out of fear that it would make it more difficult for us to fit it. She grew up facing racism and bullying because of her differences. My father told me, that he would have rather seen us succeed in English and thrive in the educational environment we were in. We are now in a time where differences are embraced more willingly. This leaves me to wonder: if my parents had continued to insist that we speak Hindi at home even after I had started school, would my relationship with the language be different? Would it have made me struggle more in English, as they believed that it would?

My culture is something that is very important to me, and something that I would like pass down to my future children. Language is a part of that culture. I got away with just understanding Hindi, but I was constantly surrounded by it. If I don’t learn the language, my children will not even have the same opportunity that I did. This has led me to make a more concerted effort to learn Hindi, through the resources I always had, and the new ones that are available to me through technology. I may not be able to cook the same food, tell the same stories, or understand traditions in the same way that my parents, and grandparents can, but I can make an effort to learn the language that they all started with. I can try to remedy this tension in my own language development, and give future generations of my family the choice to learn and be a part of the culture and tradition that comes with the Hindi language.